I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
