Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
