I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
