K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
