hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
