Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
