Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wish there were birth control emojis
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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