I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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