these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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