i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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