don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
