i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
