I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
