Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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