It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
