get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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