butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
