I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.