i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.