How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.