i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
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I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
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What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Boobs are out for the taking
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???