There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together