i think my tv is drunk
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint