You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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