she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
