If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
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Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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