We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
