So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus