Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize