I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
