I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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