My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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