Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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