): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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