why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
4 words: hood of his car
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
did i just pee glitter
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