a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
