After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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