i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish i was in the wii world.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
that may or may not have been my penis.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
