when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
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Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?