sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Houston, we have a blender
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
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Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring