i think my mom watched the whole time
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.