I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me