I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
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we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.