Three words: puerto rican gang bang
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
