nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
