Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
