....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
