your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
