Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
why is half of my head shaved?
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