i already hear my dad disowning me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
