Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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