he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
