I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Someone shattered a urinal.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Randomize
