I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
