I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Someone signed my nipple.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
