One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
