I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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