I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
