So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.