i think my tv is drunk
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
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chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.