new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize