ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.