There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?