If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it's like iHOP with fire
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
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I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.