I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
