Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
