She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
