somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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