i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
