He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
