How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's blow job season.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
