remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
