my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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