I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
