You made me cry and you don't even care
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
