I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just high enough for therapy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
