oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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