he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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