I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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