Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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