Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
