it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
