i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
