I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
