I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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