how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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