She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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