i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
