Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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