Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
