I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
