his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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