Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
