so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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