so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
