Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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